Help Wanted (Transcript)
This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode, "Help Wanted" from season one, which aired on May 1, 1999. *''the SpongeBob SquarePants theme song, the brief opening titles show the names of creator Stephen Hillenburg, Derek Drymon and others. The episode opens with a bubble transition, and we see a coral reef under the sea. The camera zooms to initiate parallax scrolling, which reveals the city of Bikini Bottom. It continues zooming to show a brown rock, a Moai head, and a pineapple, which each contain inhabitants'' *'French Narrator:' Ah, the sea. So fascinating. So wonderful. Here, we see Bikini Bottom, teeming with life. from left to right Patrick's, Squidward's, and SpongeBob's houses. Zooms in on SpongeBob's house Home to one of my favorite creatures, SpongeBob SquarePants. Yes, of course he lives in a pineapple, you silly. alarm sounds; he wakes, but is unaffected by the annoying sound, and with a smile turns it off. He climbs from his bed to a ladder leading to a diving board *'SpongeBob:' Today's the big day, Gary! *'Gary:' Meow. *'SpongeBob:' on the diving board Look at me, I'm… up, and leaves his underwear behind naked! inside pants, walks over to exercise room. His head pops out of the top of his pants Got to be in top physical condition for today, Gary. *'Gary:' Meow. *'SpongeBob:' goes inside his small gym that has a sign that says, "I Love Pain". Taking deep breaths, he prepares to lift a barbell that is balanced by two lightweight stuffed animals. He sticks out his chest, but almost passes out because he can barely lift it. He drops it, and it makes a 'squeak' noise I'm ready! outside I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready. Star's rock tilts upwards with Patrick stuck to its underside *'Patrick:' Go, SpongeBob! falls Whoa! CRASH! *'SpongeBob:' down the street to the Krusty Krab There it is. The finest eating establishment ever established for eating. The Krusty Krab home of the Krabby Patty. With a 'Help Wanted' sign in the window! For years I've been dreaming of this moment! I'm gonna go in there, march straight to the manager, look 'Im straight in the eye, the fourth wall and looks the audience in the eye lay it on the line and… I can't do this! starts to run home but Patrick stops him Uh, Patrick! *'Patrick:' Where do you think you're going? *'SpongeBob:' I was just... *'Patrick:' No you're not. You're going to the Krusty Krab and get that job! *'SpongeBob:' I can't, don't you see? I'm not good enough! *'Patrick:' Whose first words were "may I take your order"? *'SpongeBob:' Mine were. *'Patrick:' Who made a spatula out of toothpicks in wood shop? *'SpongeBob:' I did. *'Patrick:' and contorts twice while trying to come up with a good third line Who's a, uh who's uhh. oh! who's a big yellow cube with holes? *'SpongeBob:' I am! *'Patrick:' Who's ready? *'SpongeBob:' I'm ready! *'Patrick:' Who's ready? *'SpongeBob:' I'm ready! *'Patrick:' Who's ready? *'SpongeBob:' I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready! toward the Krusty Krab *'Squidward:' graffiti of himself with the word Loser, sees SpongeBob, and sighs Oh no, SpongeBob. What could he possibly want? *'SpongeBob:' background, at first while Squidward was talking I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready! Go SpongeBob! Go SpongeBob! Go SpongeBob! Go self! looks at the Help Wanted sign and runs inside *'Squidward:' SpongeBob says, "I'm ready" one more time in the background Mr. Krabs! to the ordering window, where Mr. Krabs is happily sniffing a handful of money. Squidward runs up to him''Hurry, Mr. Krabs, before it's too late, I gotta tell you about.by SpongeBob'' *'SpongeBob:' Permission to come aboard, captain! voice I've been training my whole life for the day I could join the Krusty Krew, voice And now I'm ready. trips on a nail stuck in the floorboard. His fall causes him to bounce against the ceiling, SpongeBob shouts and blurts incomprehensibly while his bounces and ricochets around the building accelerate. He then rolls to a stop at the feet of Squidward and Mr. Krabs So, uh, when do I start? *'Mr. Krabs:' Well lad, it looks like you don't even have your sea legs. *'SpongeBob:' Mr. Krabs, please. Ill prove I'm fry cook material. Ask Squidward, he'll vouch for me. Krabs and Squidward quickly walk away from SpongeBob *'Squidward:' breath No. Krabs winks. They head back to SpongeBob *'Mr. Krabs:' Well lad, well give you a test, and if you pass, you'll be on the Krusty Krew! Go out and fetch me... takes out a notepad a, uh, hydrodynamic spatula...quickly jots down what he says with, um, port-and-starboard-attachments, scribbling and, uh... turbo drive! scribbling And don't come back till you get one! Krabs puts a Krusty Krab crew hat on SpongeBob. SpongeBob sees how he looks in a mirror, there are sparkles on his hat, and he has a huge, satisfied smile *'SpongeBob:' Krabs Aye aye, captain! reading One hydrodynamic spatula, with port-and-starboard attachments, turbo drive, coming right up, Sir! *'Mr. Krabs:' Carry on! leaves We'll never see that lubber again. *'Squidward:' You're terrible! A hydro-what? and Mr. Krabs laugh. While Squidward laughs, his nose moves distinctly while he inhales and exhales. Krabs laugh sounds like a pirate. As they laugh, SpongeBob is shown leaving the Krusty Krab. As SpongeBob fades out of sight, five buses drive toward the Krusty Krab from the opposite direction *'Bus Driver:' Hey! Hey! Please! Passengers are to stay seated and put their hands out the window! buses surround the Krusty Krab and the doors open, Mr. Krabs stops laughing *'Mr. Krabs:' That sounded like hatch doors! repeatedly Do you smell it? That smell. A kind of smelly smell. A smelly smell that smells smelly. eyes Anchovies. *'Squidward:' What? *'Mr. Krabs:' Anchovies! get out of the buses and rush inside the Krusty Krab, crowding, repeating the word "meep" over and over again *'Squidward:' Please, please, quiet! stop talking Is this any way to behave, hmmm? *'Anchovy:' Meep! *'Squidward:' Could we show a little decency and form a neat, single file line in front of the register? anchovies are quiet at first, then pick up the boat, as their cries of "meep!" become more intense. Cut to Barg'N-Mart as SpongeBob enters *'SpongeBob:' to himself Barg'N-Mart, meeting all of your spatula needs. to the Krusty Krab. Squidward and Mr. Krabs are still in the boat, and being tossed around *'Mr. Krabs:' All hands on deck! Get your anchors out of your pants! *'Squidward:' One single file line was all I asked! *'Mr. Krabs:' Whoa! Batten down the hatches, Mr. Squidward! Krabs and Squidward are thrown up in the air Were taking on water, Mr. Squidward! get thrown back up again I want my mommy, Mr Squidward! to Barg'N-Mart *'SpongeBob:' singing Do do do do do do, spatula, spatula, port-and-starboard attachments. to the Krusty Krab *'Squidward:' HELP!!!! *'Mr. Krabs:' MAN OVERBOARD!!! Climb, Mr. Squidward! Climb! climb the mast, while the anchovies try to get them down. The anchovies then form a big wave *'Anchovies:' Meep!!!! Meep!!!!!! *'Mr. Krabs:' This is the end! Good-bye, Mr. Squidward! *'Squidward:' Oh Mr. Krabs! cry, then SpongeBob comes in with red lights flashing and flying with the spatula, singing a heroic tune *'SpongeBob:' Permission to come aboard captain! Da da da da da da da! Da da da da da da da da da da! Did someone order a spatula? and Mr. Krabs are shocked That's right! One hydrodynamic spatula with spatulas pop out on the sides of the previous one port-and-starboard attachments, and lets not forget the turbo drive! two extending spatulas twirl around and smack Squidward and Mr. Krabs in the face Would you believe they only had one in stock? To the kitchen! the anchovies Who's hungry?! Tim's Living in the Sunlight, Loving in the Moonlight plays while SpongeBob serves up Krabby Patty after Krabby Patty. Many, many, many Krabby Patties are launched through the opening window to the hungry anchovies. Eventually, all of the anchovies are served and they leave on the buses. Cuts to later *'Mr. Krabs:' That was the finest fast foodsmanship I've ever seen, Mr. SquarePants! Welcome aboard!Krabs gives SpongeBob a name tag *'Squidward:' But, but Mr. Krabs... *'Mr. Krabs:' Three cheers for SpongeBob! Hip-hip! *'Squidward:' weakly Hooray, Mr. *'Mr. Krabs:' Hip-hip! *'Squidward:' quickly Hooray, *'Mr. Krabs:' Hip-hip! *'Squidward:' quickly Hooray. Mr. Krabs! *'Mr. Krabs:' I'll be in my quarters, counting up the booty. wheels a wheelbarrow piled with an enormous stack of cash to his office. Patrick enters *'Patrick:' Good morning, Krusty Krew! *'Squidward:' What would you like to order, Patrick? *'Patrick:' One Krabby Patty, please. flies back to the kitchen using his spatula and a score of Krabby Patties is immediately fired through the servery, which collide with Patrick and send him flying out of the Krusty Krab. Cuts to Krusty Krab exterior; crashing noises *'Patrick:' screams *'Squidward:' Mr. Krabs! Mr. KRABS!!! and singing Mr. Krabs, come see your new employeeeeeeeee! emphasis with the -ployee